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Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Sage-ish Wisdom: You want the D!

Has it really been nine months guys? Huh. Time flies when you're pregnant...

I have learned a LOT about myself and CrossFit in the past 3 trimesters and I want to share because I wish I would have known then what I known now. The first topic I want to cover is the dreaded D-word. "Diet."

I am going to blow your mind right now. Here it is: Eat what makes you happy. I follow that rule. However I mean it in a slightly different sense. Some people will read that and go "fuck yeah, cookies and ice cream for every meal!" No. Just... No.

Not the "happy" I was talking about...

What I am getting at is eat whatever makes you holistically happy. Your nutrition should be one that helps you perform as you want in the gym, should make you feel good with what you see in the mirror and you shouldn't dread what you are going to eat or yearn for what you can't. Your nutrition should be flexible.

Your food choices should be akin to you as a CrossFit athlete: well rounded. You shouldn't lack in any area nor should you be overly developed in another.

Flexible / well rounded nutrition: exhibit A.

I ate strict paleo for months. I was that asshole who went to birthday parties and ate carrots and drank bottled water because well... I was a dumbass. Don't ever be the person to pass up on cake.

Paleo made me a skinny bitch. I was incredibly thin but I became weak as shit. My performance in the gym tanked and I was moody and miserable. I then heard about this godsend called "Eat to Perform." ETP promises more balanced food and better performance. I followed that for 6 months and went from 190# to 225# =  made me a fat piece of shit. I followed their plan and got updates from their MODs but honestly it was way too much food volume for me (especially in carbs) and it showed as I looked like I was goddamn pregnant.


I was crushing heavy workouts but took 20 minutes to do 500 double unders because I thought I was having a heart attack. The plan gave me so much food and carbs I turned into the goddamn Hindenburg trying to move around the gym.


In the end I hit a breaking point when I could barely do Pull Ups because I was so heavy which lead Brad to pull me aside and state I needed to lose at least 20 pounds to see any tangible improvements in my CrossFitting. He was correct in that my incessant bitching was not going to fix anything. Real talk: 5'8" and 225# isn't the most efficient frame to be honest.

In December I started working with a nutrition consultant (Kylie Gamelier of KG-fit.com) who is helping me find the best balance for me. Read that sentence again and notice what I wrote? The best balance FOR ME. I see it every day, everyone jerks themselves off about diet. I see Instagram and Facebook posts where people try to "outclean" each other on their diets, and say shit like "should you be eating that as a CrossFitter?"

What I do is a modified version of If It Fits Your Macros. I have a prescribed # of grams of carbs, fat and protein a day and I spend them how I see fit while making good choices. Most days I spend 30g of carbs on some rice with lunch. However, occasionally I will use it for a Sprecher's Hard Root Beer. However, I walk around knowing if I spent all 250g of carbs on alcohol I would be a blimp again.

Shit is straight cash homie...

The truth is we are all different. I am lactose intolerant. Any dairy turns me into the grumpiest, gassiest human being on earth. So I avoid that kind of stuff and instead eat a balanced diet. I am down to between 200-205# at any given time. I enjoy things like Chipotle, Hard Cider, Pop Tarts, and epic dinners out with Jenny every week. However, I also track what I eat and eat within certain macronutrient levels with lots of rice, chicken, salsa, eggs, spinach, turkey, grass fed beef and Progenex. Hence, balance.

I recently PR'd my deadlift at 500# just a few days after doing 500 double unders in 9:19. I cut my time in half in 6 months while shedding 20#. Have I found the miracle diet? No. I have found the best mix for me right now so I can PR and still lose some weight.

While I (jokingly) hate on Paleo and other stuff, if they work for you that's fantastic. I am not knocking Paleo or ETP. Rather, they did not work for me and my goals. My best advice is keep experimenting.

3 years into CrossFit I am playing with my nutrition constantly to get me the best balance of body composition (so I can some day WOD with my shirt off and not feel shame) and performance (so I can crush those WODs). Track your intake and play with the amounts and you'll be surprised what can happen to your workouts and happiness.

Don't buy into fads, listen to your own body, eat good foods and enjoy yourself (in moderation.) Remember kids, Pop-tarts = PRs!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Come on pookie, let's burn this motherfucker down!

All good things must come to an end. All shitty things must come to an end even sooner.


I am stopping writing / working on this blog. I may pop my head back in every now and then to share an update or something remarkable, but frankly, as of right now, I'm done. I am burnt out. I have so much other shit in my life spiraling out of control, and I don't like the person I have become physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have let myself get to a point that is wholly unacceptable and I need to remove all distractions until I can become a better person in all regards.

As a result, I need to refocus my time and talents elsewhere. It's been a fun ride and a challenge coming up with ideas and then fleshing them out on here. However, not all challenges are worth pursuing. I have been half-assing this for quite a while now and it's time to pull the plug. I will be paring down my social media presence as well. It's time to walk away.


I hope that this newfound time and energy will help me realize my potential. Also, I sincerely hope that each and every single one of you not only reaches but far surpasses every goal you have made in your lives. I wish you the best. If I can help you in your journeys in any way shape or form, you know where to find me.

On that note:




Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Two years gone...

Well bitches, it's that time of year again. It is officially two years since I began my CrossFit journey. I famously chronicled my first year of CrossFit here. If you have never read it, or to refresh your memory go back and read it now. It'll make this post make way more sense. It's fine, I'll wait.

First, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who turned this weird and often inappropriate little journal of my thoughts and workouts into something I could have never imagined. Before last year's 1 year update, I had just broken 2,000 readers, I hit 29,000 this morning. It just blows my mind that people find what I have to say interesting... On that note, let's begin.

It has been another year, and a very different one to be sure. Another 525,600 minutes has passed and they were filled with some of the best and worst times of my life. This year has changed me in innumerable ways and I feel as if I have grown more than in my other 25 years on earth.

I will be blunt. This was the hardest and worst year of my life bar none. I had some good highs both medically induced and bestowed by life, and some crippling lows. There were many days I had zero desire to get out of bed or even go on with life. However, one of the things that kept me going was CrossFit. There's something indescribably therapeutic about slamming bars and setting PRs. For a weird, awkward, lonely kid, having a community to reach out to and fall back upon is something you can never put a price on. So to CrossFit and the community thank you for being life-saving in more ways than you could know.

Let us take a waltz down the ol' memory lane shall we?

First, the picture that generated an unbelievable response. Of all the stuff I have posted, this picture garnered something like 60+ likes and many more comments on Facebook and 40+ on Instagram. I didn't think it was that impressive but the comments and feedback were nothing short of overwhelming. Crossfit constantly changes you, and the proof is in the picture above. A metric shit ton of fat less and following my dreams. 

This year I had to come to grips that aesthetics wasn't the right goal to shoot for, and was in fact hurting my performance. I was this skinny little shit in 2012 having lost close to 100 pounds, weighing in at 184#, sub 12% body fat but couldn't Snatch 125#.  

My lightest, and least functional body composition. Dat Skeletor look.

Medium size T shirts and shorts were hanging off me. I made a conscious decision, one that I am still coming to grips with, that I would gain weight and get stronger, faster and better at CrossFit. I currently sit at 208# (I was actually 212# in the photo doing the sled drag) and much more fit than I was last year. Sure my mile time is much slower and I have love handles again, but every other performance indicator is leaps and bounds better. It takes some mental toughness to realize your self worth is a sum of items greater than a number plastered on a $20 piece of plastic you bought from Target. Wearing size 34" jeans and having my weight start with a 2 is a fair compromise to be able to lift much heavier, and do things like shave two minutes off my Grace time in a year. So sadly, you will NOT be seeing any "fat pants" pictures in this post. 

For anyone who ever doubts the life-changing abilities of Crossfit. Two years ago I could not even pull my body up an inch when asked to do a pull up. I was mortified when Stephen asked to see me try one. A little over one year ago I did Cindy and got 8 rounds with VERY questionable pull ups. Most were no-reps but I didn't see it that way at the time. Just two weeks ago I did Cindy and got 13 rounds + with pristine pull ups. I went from nothing to performing more than I could have ever imagined in just two years. I didn't see the progress as I was on my journey, but reflecting back on these past two years I don't even recognize who I was or where I was when I started I am such a different athlete and man.

CrossFit is always humbling. There is a reason that many boxes have some version of "check your ego at the door" painted or hanging somewhere. Unlike last year, I was able to taste the victory of being the strongest / fastest on workouts for certain days. Other days I was the slowest or weakest by a considerable margin. CrossFit truly instilled the life lesson in me this year, that I have to just keep moving. I got knocked down. I failed. I embarassed myself. I almost killed a high-profile athlete in a freak accident. Yet, at the end of the day I went to sleep, got up and tried again. If nothing else, CrossFit taught me not to quit and success will follow.

Speaking of performance what were some of the highlights of my year?

The top three PRs that made my year:
I set huge PRs and pushed myself farther and harder than I ever have in my life. 

1.) I hit a goal that took me 18 months: I Squat Clean and Jerked 200+ pounds. I had spent countless hours and it finally clicked. Even with a bad back, I can still hit 205 for a Clean on an off day. 215-225# on a good day. This was arguably the most satisfying PR of the year. I also have a filthy mouth if you haven't realized.

2.) The above was the day that made me realize I could do something special if I just worked my ass off. Hard work will always get results. I squatted 385# high bar, pressed 170# with crooked ass shoulders, and deadlifted 435# less than 18 months into CrossFit with ZERO athletic background. This one single day solidified the notion in my mind that hard work and mental fortitude can take you beyond just about any limit.

3.) Fran! For the first time ever. I finally tackled the bitch. The Pull Ups had always scared me, yet I survived. 6:30 RX'd. First attempt, RX, and about 90 seconds faster than my dream goal time. So... That was definitely a highlight to be sure.

3.5) I couldn't count this one out. 260# Split Jerk. Cleaned up some technique with Ms. Andrea Ager and unleashed a 35# PR. Definitely a great way to close out a year of considerable progress.

Not only did I do well on some workouts, I got to experience some new things as well...

I never travel. I certainly never travel alone. I did both this year when I decided on a whim to travel to California and watch the Crossfit Games:


Simply one of the best weeks of my life. Watching the events up close was something I will never forget. People losing their minds when Valerie Voboril destroyed "2007" and the insanity during the Cinco are just two highlights to be sure. I fell in love with the city, the weather, the food, everything while there. I left the venue and that week with an unquenchable thirst to better myself as an athlete and a person. The atmosphere was electric, and I am glad I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for it.

While in LA, I also had the chance to train with Andrea Ager. This was bar none the highlight of my year. Living. The. Dream.


In two sessions she taught me so much about myself as an athlete and was cool as hell. An outstanding coach, she schooled me on what it really means to push yourself and adapt to your shortcomings. It didn't hurt that she was super funny, friendly, and gorgeous. I wish I was able to train with her full time. 

I pursued multiple seminars in Crossfit including Crossfit Kids and Crossfit Strongman. In doing so, I had the rare opportunity to meet and train with some of my heroes.

Rob Orlando at Crossfit Strongman (Read about it here)

Rich "Three-peat" Froning at Crossfit Kids (Read about it Part 1 and Part 2)

I learned tons from these fine individuals and it was beyond remarkable to have them fix my movements and be able to go home and PR the shit out of life. The Strongman Seminar was the coolest weekend you can do in Crossfit, and I HIGHLY recommend everyone try it at some point. It's the cheapest cert too!

Samantha Briggs, soon-to-be World's Fittest Woman. She was just randomly walking around at the Central East Regionals

I have never had much self-confidence. CrossFit showed me I can be a better person than I ever imagined and that other people would want to follow my example. I had some individuals reach out to me this year to help them as they begin their fitness journey. I decided to test myself and I began training and serving as an information hub for those who wanted to get in shape.

Pringles doing overhead plate carries. 

I also got countless people involved in doing sled drags. They're great for the ol' posterior chain.

Jenny "Darkness" 

Steph

This has been one of the most rewarding experiences watching them get stronger, faster, healthier, and more confident in their daily lives. It's addictive.

I talked my brother into doing Crossfit after almost two years of incessant nagging. His first day went this well:
For the first time ever all four members of my family were pursuing fitness at the same time. My mother is trying CrossFit On-ramp on Monday as well, which is incredibly exciting for me. I know she will be successful!

I also joined a second gym. It's actually been a really cool experience to jump between the two. 
I am now a part of two Crossfit families. Crossfit South Hills and Crossfit Mt. Lebanon. Who knows where I will end up full time, if anywhere in the future.

I learned I am addicted to shoes and have purchased countless pairs of Crossfit Nanos in the past year. It got so bad I now have sneaker collectors following me on Instagram...

I have a problem. I will also probably buy more...

I have always had issues with food. Very, very strong issues. CrossFit and the community are helping me work through them. In fact, I ate Donuts for the first time this year since I started CrossFit. I had one. It was amazing. I got physically ill and spent the rest of the day in the bathroom. Hooray?

Donuts. Apparently Sheetz has pumpkin donuts. I am beyond intrigued... I have not had Doritos though. One thing at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day and shit.

I have stepped outside of my comfort zone and am eating foods like asparagus, Brussels sprouts, and even broccoli! I know, who the hell have I become? I have also become addicted to Kombucha which is a fermented fruit tea. I actually barter training with Trish. She gives me tons of Kombucha, I train her.

Mmm Kombucha...

Before CrossFit, I didn't challenge myself. Now I look at every challenge as something I have to try. I have persevered and have been able to add quite a few medals to my ego table:


All of the medals and such are from September 2011 until today. Amazing to see how far I have come. Everything on that table including the Spartan Head signifies a physical challenge I overcame between my humble beginnings and now. That table used to hold my food while I played video games. My VG collection now collects dust while I am out living life and making real, lasting memories.

Ruckus Run with my Dad a.k.a. "Double Nickels"

Tough Mudder with Amanda, my original CrossFit partner. 

The Berisford event where I destroyed double unders for the first time in my life and for a good cause.

The Valentine's Day Sadie Hawkins Mixer thing

RJ's Winter Barn WOD. I was severely under-dressed and pretty sure I caught pneumonia.

5k Gone Bad. Thank God for Burpee Box Jumps, the only reason I was able to climb out of last place to directly in middle of the standings. I love burpee-box jumps!

I limited my competing over the course of the year and instead aspired to get better all around. I spent ages working on weaknesses like getting inverted:

I went from 1 strict Handstand Push Up to being able to do 5 unbroken on a bad day. Small progress is still progress, that's a lesson I learned again and again.

I also decided to plunk down the cash for a rower:

and thereafter have spent ages working on my conditioning and rowing to make it a strength. Instead of spending money on clothes, concert tickets, or the like I made an investment in myself. I spent my hard-earned money on something that'll pay dividends.

 I even stupidly rowed a half-marathon.

Seriously the worst Crossfit workout I have ever done in my life. I will NEVER do this again so long as I live. If you want to read about the terror it induced, click here. This was a wake up call that not every challenge is a good idea.


I got my first muscle up! It was ugly and slow, but I did it. I am working on getting better at them. After almost two years it was so rewarding to finally get one. I watched as countless gym members got theirs months before I did, and it drove me nuts. It created this fire inside of me that I had to get one. I spent countless time before and after class kipping away on the rings like a dumb-ass and then finally it happened. Notice a trend here? I didn't until I sat down for this retrospective, persistence pays off.

Now onto the Bad

You've heard about the good, but I must address that which wasn't so good. In April I hurt my back pretty badly snatching and the following views of Emergency Room suites became the norm:



When I say pretty badly I mean I ruptured and herniated a disc in my back and essentially am injured for the rest of my life. I re-herniated the disc in August as well. It will never heal, but I can work around and work through the pain.

I ended up losing something like 8 weeks of total training time due to this injury spread out over the initial incident and a relapse in August. I also experienced the joy and pain of painkillers. I was only on them briefly but went through incredible withdrawal symptoms. If nothing else, this scares me into wanting to stay away from the ER and stay healthy.

I think at one point I was on Flexerall, Valium, Vicodon, an oral steroid, and was issued emergency dilaudid. In a stoned stupor I wrote one of my most well received blogs ever: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Wedding. I see now why artists write / compose / create under the influence. It is pure genius. I suggest you read it again for old time's sake.

I bemoaned my station in life when this happened. Almost immediately I had incredible support from people in my gym, in the Pittsburgh CrossFit community, the Cincinnati CrossFit community, and even Games Athletes like Jenn Jones and Lindy Wall chimed in on twitter to wish me a speedy recovery and stay strong. It blows my mind and is incredibly humbling to the (former and still somewhat) loner kid, that people would care enough to take the time to see how I was feeling and if I needed anything. I cannot say this enough, every single one of you in the CrossFit community who took the time to send me some form of well wish made those very dark times a lot more manageable. I can say with 100% certainty I could not have done it without your support.

So what has CrossFit changed for me this year?
  • My body - stronger, more muscular, and I am learning to accept it more. I haven't had a 15-year-old-girl-stepping-on-a-scale freakout in quite a while.
  • My self esteem - while I am not "fixed" by any stretch of the imagination, I am starting to realize I am worth more than I used to believe.
  • My bank account - Personal Training, hospital stays, shoes, clothes, the Crossfit Games, seminars, food, gym memberships...
  • I have made it a point to get my roommates parents active
  • I view food as fuel now, and not as a source of pleasure - This tends to happen when you eat 3400 calories a day of clean food.
  • I'm kind of sick of 90's rap and Lil' Wayne after hearing it every goddamn day at the gym. Sorry guys, but you ruined it. 100,000+ channels on Pandora and Tupac everyday makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
  • I started dating - didn't end as well as I would have hoped but I can't complain. I tried something I normally would not have and it went very well while it lasted. Also online dating. Read all about that = online dating and why I am an asshole.
  • I stopped weighing myself every day. Seriously. That shit is toxic. Once a week at most and just to make sure there are no wild fluctuations.
  • I posed nude for a photo shoot. I have an outtake from the shoot that is pretty epic I debated putting up here, but since this isn't Snapchat I realized that shit would be here forever. That's no bueno. I guess if you really want to see it I could Snapchat it to you...
  • People see me as inspirational. I have lost track of how many times someone has sent me a Facebook message, a text, e-mail, tagged me in an Instagram of them working out or sent a carrier pigeon (seriously, carrier pigeons were amazing can we go back to using them?) asking me questions about fitness, telling me I inspired them to get their shit together, or just asking for help and advice in general. It blows me away every time that someone thinks of me as someone they want to emulate. I still haven't gotten used to it and I don't think I ever will. 
Things Crossfit hasn't changed or fixed
  • My body image issues and avoidance of mirrors
  • I still refuse to take my shirt off during workouts
  • Still get depressed and withdraw
  • I still don't own any "real people" clothes - after incredible hulking out of my suit at Christmas thanks to my beastly quads, no more nice things for this guy.
Biggest Progress
  • Everything. This year my proprioception has increased exponentially. I am now more aware of my body and how it moves. I understand bar path, and holding a hollow while doing gymnastic moves. It has been an incredible year to say the least. All of my #s went up, I am moving better than ever, and I feel great all despite my multiple back injuries. I could not snatch 125# last year. I did 155# for multiple reps in a complex a few weeks back and still had gas in the tank.
Weirdest Side Effect
  • Cougars. Seriously. Still. I am invisible to women under 30, but 40+ year old women are creepy as shit to me. The attention is nice, but there comes a point where it's just awkward as hell. Sorry ma'am, you do not need to squeeze my bicep while you ask where Starbucks is or rub my chest and ask where I got my sweater...
  • Women have called me hot. Before this year, only 70+ year olds ever said anything to me and it was along the lines of "my you're handsome." However, this year, girls (multiple) who were born during or never saw the Reagan Presidency told me I was hot. I am still trying to wrap my head around that one...
  • I still feel fat. I don't feel like the body I have. It's hard to describe. People will send me pics of me working out and I don't recognize the person in the photo. Usually it is some sort of "oh shit, I look like that?" response.
Thank you's
  • My Coaches - I have had the opportunity to work with a lot of coaches and seeing what other boxes's coaches do, it makes me appreciate the shit out of the staff at CFSH and CFMTL for the time and effort they dedicate to making me better. I would also like to specifically thank Coach Nate for the countless hours he has put in training me in PT over the last year. It means a lot buddy.
  • The community in general - Some of you are assholes, but I love you all the same. You have brightened many a dark day and have given me the push to break through what I thought I was capable of and pursue excellence not only in Crossfit but in daily life.
  • Trish - For putting her faith in me. 
  • Chris Nolan - for photographing me naked and getting me a Gold ticket to the Crossfit Games.
  • Elite Crossfit Athletes - I have met and communicated with a lot of elite athletes this year and all of them have been awesome. They are all friendly as hell, super helpful, and genuinely want you to succeed. It's refreshing to meet someone you admire and have them not only be kind but offer to fix your squat and talk muscle up tips.
  • Everyone - To all those who sent me well wishes, asked how I was doing, left nice comments on my pics and statuses, cheered me on in competitions and generally supported me in this crazy ass lifestyle I thank you for giving me the push to keep going.
  • Lululemon - For making the damn comfiest underwear to WOD in ever. My crotch area appreciates your efforts. Also, those ridiculously small shorts all the women wear: I thank you for those as well.
  • The Spice Girls - for making the best music ever. If you disagree, you are dead to me.
Verdict: This was the hardest year of my life and changed me in innumerable ways. I became a better athlete and a better person. I found myself giving more of my time and energy to others. I became more spiritual. I started my year on a promising note and had dreams of 2014 / 2015 Regionals in my head. Now I have dreams of being able to compete in a small local competition a year from now without any more set backs from my blown back. My life is forever changed by the events of this year, and I am learning to adapt to these day in and day out. Life is funny in how it changes, but this has been a hell of a year. I guess there is only one thing left to say, and I will let the amazing Robert McDonald (look him up, he's a beast) say it:


Here's to another year. Onwards!

Saturday's Work

WOD
“Hotshots 19″

IN MEMORY OF:

Jesse Steed, Wade Parker, Joe Thurston, William Warneke, John Percin, Clayton Whitted, Scott Norris, Dustin Deford, Sean Misner, Garret Zuppiger, Travis Carter, Grant McKee, Travis Turbyfill, Andrew Ashcraft, Kevin Woyjeck, Anthony Rose, Eric Marsh, Christopher MacKenzie, and Robert Caldwell

Six rounds for time of:
30 Squats
135 pound Power clean, 19 reps
7 Strict Pull-ups
Run 400 meters

A. 3 Rounds in 24:43 before I stopped due to back tightness

PM WOD


U.S. Army Specialist Donald L. Nichols, 21, of Shell Rock, Iowa, assigned to the 1st Battalion, 133rd Infantry Regiment, Iowa Army National Guard, based in Waterloo, Iowa, died April 13, 2011, in Laghman province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He is survived by his mother and stepfather, Roger and Becky Poock; his father and stepmother, Jeff and Jeanie Nichols; and his brothers, Nick and Joe.

"Donny"

21-15-9-9-15-21 reps for time of:
- 225 pound Deadlift
- Burpee

A. 19:17 RX'd

Sunday's Work
10:00 AMRAP:
- 7 OHS @ 135#
- 7 Pull ups

A. 5 rounds RX'd

Monday's Work
Strength
Power Snatch
3x7 @ 135/95
WOD
Buy in: 50 Dubs
5 rounds:
10 HSPU
15 OHS 95/65
Buy out: 50 Dubs

A. 95# - 115# - 135# (got all 7)
B. 15:30 Used 25# DB Push Press for HSPU after first 5 reps. 95# OHS

Tuesday's Work
WOD
5 min AMRAP
11 Thrusters 95/65
6 Pull ups
--rest 1 min--
4 min AMRAP
11 Pull ups
6 Thrusters 95/65
--rest 1 min--
3 min AMRAP
6 Thrusters 95/65
6 Pull ups

AMRAP 1: 3 rounds + 11 Thrusters + 1 Pull up (44 thrusters / 19 Pull ups)
AMRAP 2: 2 rounds + 1 pull up (12 Thrusters / 23 Pull ups)
AMRAP 3: 2 rounds + 1 Thruster (13 Thrusters / 12 Pull ups)
= 7 rounds +14 reps RX'd or 69 Thrusters and 54 Pull ups 

Pull ups were brutal here. Definitely got smoked by second AMRAP. In 12 minutes I did Fran + 25 Thrusters + 9 pull ups essentially. Kind of embarrassing when you look at it that way.

Wednesday's Work

Buy In-
Beginner: Practice smooth singles and make attempts at stringing double unders together
Intermediate: Work to 25 Unbroken Double Unders
Advanced: Work to 100 Unbroken Double Unders

*10 Minute Time Cap

WOD
15 Minutes to build to Max Load:

1 Hang Clean + 5 Front Squats

-Cash Out-
Strength: Back Squat

A. 54 Unbroken
B. 135-155-165-185-195-205-215-225(f)
C. 185 x 3, 225 x 3, 255 x 3, 275 x 3, 305 x 3, 315# x 3. Then 225# x 20

Friday, August 30, 2013

9 steps to self improvement

I read one of those "here's why you're a shitty person and not attracting the people, opportunities, or life experiences you're interested in" articles today while I was eating lunch. It mentioned 9 ways to address why I am not a good person and how to undo that. So ladies and gents, let's help me try and be a better person.

1. Be willing to change
I change a lot. A lot. I sweat so much sometimes if I have class and personal training I take a spare set of clothes for the latter. I rotate my Nanos on a daily basis. I change the food I eat for breakfast every week.

I just changed scents on my anti-perspirant to Hawkeye or some shit from Old Spice. It kind of smells like fruit loops.
I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. Ladies, fruit loops, hot or not? As a fat kid the thought of smelling like food seems like a win, but who understands women nowadays? I change all the time. You could call me a chameleon I change so much...

2. Stop making excuses


Fish, the silent killer.

Ok. I have a good one for this. I have been making an excuse about something for a long time. Ladies and gentlemen, I am NOT allergic to fish. I just think it's disgusting. Honestly, saying I was allergic was the best way to get people to stop trying to force me to eat shitty fish. No I am not interested in creatures from the sea ending up in my belly. It's brilliant though. When I say "no I don't like fish", these people always go "oh you've just never had good fish, here try this. Try it!" and then it ends up with them crying. Saying I am allergic is an easy-out and no one ever tries to force it on you because they don't want to be responsible for killing you.

So no more excuses. I am not allergic, I just don't like fish. There. I will stab you if you try to make eat fish though.

3. Stop being angry
Society, you are right. I need to let the anger go. For far too long I have carried this burden of being relentlessly mad at my High School Guidance Counselor. Why? Because she lied. She said I could be anything I wanted if I put my mind to it. 

Oh really woman? Anything? You don't want to put that in air quotes or attach a little asterisk to it? No. Well then explain how the shit I can be one of these fine saviors of Angel Grove California. That place doesn't even goddamn exist Ms. Shadle. What. The. Shit!?!?

Sigh...

I guess I will have to settle. Years of martial arts training, Crossfit, getting used to wearing spandex and learning the proper morphing stance all for nothing.

That could have been me!

I am letting go. This was mildly cathartic. Wow. Venting actually helps way more than just breaking shit.

4. Be a role model
I prefer to live my life as a cautionary tale. It's just way more fun. Be more Marilyn Monroe and less Cyd Charisse.
3 divorces, chemical dependency and banging her way through the Kennedy family tree = my kind of woman. Even though Cyd was way hotter.

Why is she not the woman all under 30 women idolize? 

5. Forgive someone
I am forgiving my parents for not taking me to the Doctors enough as a child. Now I am having to rely on WEBMD to diagnose myself. Just today I discovered I have Asperger's Syndrome. Don't believe me? Look at the symptoms below:
  • Problems with social skills - Those with asperger's generally have difficulty interacting with others and often are awkward in social situations. They generally do not make friends easily. They have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversation. (Ummm that is me to a T!)
  • Eccentric or repetitive behaviors - (Bouncing leg, tapping fingers, etc...)
  • Unusual preoccupations or rituals - (I'll leave this one blank...)
  • Communication difficulties - peoplw with asperger's may not make eye contact when speaking with someone. They have trouble using facial expressions and gestures, and understanding body language. They also tend to have problems understanding language in context and are very literal in their use of language. (Anyone who has tried to have a conversation with me should know this is me.)
  • Limited range of interests - A person with asperger's may develop an intense, almost obsessive interest in a few areas such as sports, weather or maps. (CrossFit, Ninja Turtles, Classic Video Games)
  • Coordination problems - Movements of those with asperger's syndrome may seem clumsy or awkward (Anyone who has seen me attempt gymnastic movements knows this to be true)
  • Skilled or talented - Many with AS are exceptionally talented or skilled in a particular area such as music or math. (Playing the drums, sweating, and squatting)
See mom, it isn't an act for attention!

6. Listen to people



This is impossible. I am sorry. I am deaf as shit. Every night at the gym I cannot understand a word the coaches were saying. I am almost completely deaf in my right ear and my left isn't that hot. Plus, unless I have my glasses on, I can't read your lips so... No. This one isn't happening. Learn sign language or text me. Moving on...

7. Be honest

I hate mobsters movies. Scarface, Goodfellas, Godfather 1 / 2 / 3, Casino, etc... were all terrible and I hated every single second of them. I don't know. I just can't get into them. I have tried so many times to watch them and they never get better or more interesting. They are painful to watch. If your favorite movie is listed above, I probably judge you as a person. There, even more honesty.

I also believe the 3 Ninjas is the greatest movie series of the last 40 years.

SCRAMBLE!!!! (10 points if you understand that reference)

8. Do something you don't want to do
I do something I don't want to do every time there is a gymnastics movement in CrossFit. This body was not designed for exercising of that sort. This body was meant for powerlifting and sweating profusely. Workouts that aren't those are dumb.

9. Surprise someone special
For this one, I am making it very special. One day soon, one random gym member will get into their car after a workout and witness this:

A random stray cat in your car. What better surprise for someone than a new member for their family? I am giddy just thinking of the joy that'll be on their face.

Wednesday's Work
10 min EMOM 
- odd minutes: 30 Dubs
- even minutes : 3x Hang Squat Snatch (115/90)

6 Min AMRAP 
- 5 Thrusters 115/90 
- 1 rope climb (round 1)* 

*increase rope climbs by 1 every round... 

A. Done RX'd
B. 31 reps, scaled rope climbs after second round. Woof. Why am I sucking at rope climbs so badly lately?

Thursday's Work
-Buy In-
800m Run for Time

WOD
4 Rounds For Time Of:
- 15 Ring Push Ups
- 15 Back Extension
- 15 Knees To Elbows

12 Minute Time Cap

-Cash Out-
800m Run for Time

A. 3:26
B. 11:15 with hanging KTE round 1, hanging knee raises 2-4
C. 4:15